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怎么确定你找到了“对的人”?

怎么确定你找到了“对的人”?
原作者:Alison Stone

这是我给一个后辈的建议。她告诉我,她想跟男朋友结婚,因为她“爱”他。她认为,两人相爱就意味着彼此找到了“对的人”。

你是个情种吗?如果是,你一生中能爱上不少人。很可能有许多人,你会觉得与他们相处十分舒服、愉快而又充满激情。但你不一定要与其中一个步入婚姻殿堂。

有时,你爱的人和你特别合拍。你们很容易想到一块儿去。你们拥有相近的价值观,对未来也有相似的目标。 恭喜你!你找到了一个人生伴侣的人选。他绝不是那个“对的人”,但他是非常合适的人。

那么,你爱的人有和你一样的感觉吗?你和他是否同样愿意努力来维护两人间的长期关系呢?你们是否一起做过各种各样的事情?你对共同生活是否有实际了解?现在你该做出决定了。

很多人是这样做决定的:

“这肯定是正确的选择。我再也不会遇到另一个人,像这个人一样____(好,特别,妙不可言)。”

或者像这样:

“这肯定是正确的选择。我从来没遇到过别的人,像这个人一样____(好,特别,妙不可言)。”

这样的想法注定会让自己失望!想想这些方面吧:

  • 你可能爱上别人。
  • 你爱上的人里面,有一些可能和你合拍。
  • 也许在合拍的人里,有些人比你现在的伴侣更有可能陪你走完一生。

你应该问自己这个问题:你现在的这段爱情好到你愿意放弃未来所有“可能更好”的爱情吗?

多花些时间想想这个问题,要绞尽脑汁冥思苦想直到你有答案。想象往后人生的每一顿早餐,餐桌对面坐着的都将是那个人,他的脸不断衰老,变得松松垮垮,皱纹渐渐爬满脸颊和额头。

如果你的答案仍然是坚定的“我愿意!”那么勇敢地去做吧。但如果你还有零星的犹疑……还是再考虑考虑吧。

原文链接

英文原文:

This is advice I gave a younger person who said she knew she wanted to marry herboyfriend because she “loved him.”  She thought that being “in love” meant she had found “the one.”

Are you a loving person?  Because loving people are capable of loving lots of people in their lifetimes.  You are likely to find many people pleasant, agreeable, exciting, and enjoyable.  That doesn’t mean you need to marry any of these people.

At some point, you may find yourself loving a person who is particularly compatible with you.  You find your ways of thinking work well together.  You have similar values in life.  You have similar goals for your future.

Congratulations!  You have found a potential life-mate.  Not “the one” by any means, but a really good one.

Does that person feel the same way?  Do you both display equal commitment to long-term relationships? Does your history together cover a wide range of experiences?  Do you have a realistic idea of life together?  Now you have a decision to make.

Many people phrase their decision-making like this:

“This must be the right choice because I’ll never find anyone else as ____ (good, special, wonderful) as this again.”

OR

“This must be the right choice because I’ve never found anyone else as ____ (good, special, wonderful) as this before.”

Statements like this are setting you up for disappointment!  Instead, consider this:

  • You’re likely to find other people to love.
  • You’re likely to be compatible with some of them.
  • Some of them will possibly hold even greater potential than the person you are with now.

Ask this question instead: is your current relationship good enough that you are willing to take a pass on all future “potentially better” loves?

Take some time to think about this.  Rest on it, pray, meditate. Picture eating breakfast with that face (aging, sagging, wrinkling) across the table for the rest of your life.

If the answer is still a solid “yes!” then go for it.  But if you have niggling doubts… give it more time.


怎么确定你找到了“对的人”?

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