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看什么书能让女生觉得我的聪明很性感?

 

看什么书能让女生觉得我的聪明很性感?

原作者:Cristina Hartmann

翻译:@内有木瓜易燃易爆

我觉得我就属于你的目标人群。首先我是个女生,其次我喜欢看书,并且专业是人文学科。我猜其中第一个因素是最具决定性的。恐怕我的品味不够高端,难以满足你的要求,但是我会尽力去帮你完成这宏大的要求。

在此之前,我想指出一处矛盾。你说你想看起来聪明性感,又要风流倜傥,恐怕这两者是无法共存的。风流才子可不性感,也不一定聪明。通过掉书袋来卖弄聪明才智可能让女孩性致全无。

而如果你选择做一个风流才子,那就不能只靠读小说了。这关乎态度。一些小提示:

  • 语气——试着尽可能的保持语调高傲。例如,你要吐槽所有浅白的隐喻。就像,“《伟大的盖茨比》里关于水的比喻实在太直白了,不就是说那条船吗。”
  • 语言——如果这本书不是用英语写的,那就用回它本来的名字然后字正腔圆地发出来。例如,不要说“Dangerous Liaisons”(《危险关系》),说“Les Liaisons Dangereuses”。如果你能直接读原版书,并引用它,加分。
  • 年代——放下新近的书,读那些年代久远、诘屈聱牙的作品。尽管因为有大卫·福斯特·华莱士,这有点难,而且不够速成。但记住,永远对畅销书不屑一顾。《饥饿游戏》?简直雷倒了。
  • 话题——故事、情节、人物关系的发展?多么缺乏想象力。谈一下亨利·詹姆斯和博尔赫斯的文笔之美。你甚至不用去读他们,只要说他们的散文让你想起我们脆弱的人性(管它是什么)。

如果你想当一个性感的书生,你只需要告诉女孩对于这本书你怎么想的。

用这张清单,你可以选择任何一条路线:风流才子或是性感书生。这只是语气问题。

  • 《尤利西斯》(詹姆斯·乔伊斯):全部大学课程都围绕着这本书。你可不能因为这样就咒骂这个可怜的几乎失明的作家。
  • 《无尽的玩笑》(戴维·福斯特·华莱士):简直就像数学中的分形,酷毙了!怎么会有女生不为一本结合了哲学、数学以及幽默感的书而狂喜?
  • 博尔赫斯写的任何东西。我甚至怀疑博尔赫斯是否能懂他自己写的东西。所以你随意地说你所想,反正听上去有道理。
  • 简·奥斯丁写的任何作品。女孩会觉得你不仅很聪明,而且觉得你通情达理能理解女人。只是不要把对方比作范宁·普赖斯(敏感怕羞,朴实善良的女子。母亲不顾家人反对嫁给了海军军官,丈夫退役后抚养众多孩子捉襟见肘)。
  • 让·雅克·卢梭、约翰·洛克、托马斯·霍布斯、让·保罗·萨特、波伏娃、勒奈·笛卡尔等人的主要哲学作品:我会从萨特的《禁闭》开始,至少这一本读起来很有趣而且很短。
  • 莎士比亚的主要悲剧。我了个去,不要提《暴风雨》,那个在中学已经教过了。我指的是史诗式的悲剧作品:《李尔王》、《麦克白》、《哈姆雷特》等等。谈论这些悲剧会让你立马变得很感性、有内涵、而且很有吸引力(但是谈论《罗密欧与朱丽叶》会让人觉得你在装)。

当然,我只是肤浅地列举一下例子,但是做一个性感的文青是个技术活儿。P.s. 当心别走得太偏,女生是不会对她从未听说的东西有多深印象的。

原文链接

英文原文:

I suppose that I’m in the target demographic. I’m (1) a girl, (2) book-lover, and (3) a humanities major. I have a feeling that the first factor is the most critical one of them all. I’m afraid that my tastes aren’t highbrow enough for you, but I’ll do my very best to help you in your noble quest.

Before we proceed, I need to point out a contradiction. You say that you want to sound smart in a hot and a douchey intellectual way. I’m afraid these two things are mutually exclusive. Douchey intellectuals aren’t hot or necessarily smart. In fact, it may be a turn-off to have someone throw around book titles to sound like their pants are just full of smarties. Just sayin’.

If you’re determined to stay on the douchey side of the spectrum, it takes more than just reading fancy books. It’s about the attitude. A few tips:

  • Tone – try to keep your tone as condescending as possible. For example,  you should disparage all obvious metaphors such as, “The metaphor of water in The Great Gatsby is just too utterly obvious. It’s about the boat.”
  • Language-if the book was written in a non-English language, use its original title and pronounce it correctly. For example, use Les Liaisons dangereuses instead of Dangerous Liaisons. Extra douche points if you read these books and quote passages in their original language.
  • Age – put down newer books in favor of older, incredibly difficult to read books. This isn’t a hard and fast rule though, thanks to David Foster Wallace. Butalways, always turn up your nose at popular fiction. The Hunger Games? Shockingly bad!
  • Discussion points – stories, plots, character development? How pedestrian. Talk about the beauty of Henry James’ and Borges’ writing. You don’t even need to read them, just say that their prose reminds us of our fragile humanity (whatever that means).

If you want to be a hot literary nerd, all you need to do is to tell the girl what you actually thought of the book.

With this list, you’ll be able to go either way: hot nerd or douchey intellectual.. It’s all about the tone.

  • Ulysses (James Joyce): they teach entire college courses devoted to this book. You can’t beat an eye-patched author for panache!
  • Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace): fractals! How could a girl not swoon about a book that combines philosophy, mathematics and humor?
  • Anything by Jorge Luis Borges: I’m not even sure Borges understood his books either. So, you can say whatever you want about them, it’ll sound plausible.
  • Anything by Jane Austen: not only will she think you smart, but she’ll think you a hot sensitive hunk who understands women. Just don’t compare the girl with Fanny Price.
  • Major philosophical works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir and Rene Descartes:I’d start with No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, at least that one is fun to read (and short).
  • Major tragedies by William Shakespeare: no Tempest for you, they teach that in middle school, for goodness’ sake! It’s about the epic tragedies: King Lear, Macbeth, Hamlet, et cetera. These tragedies will allow you to be emotive, intellectual and hot all at once. (Romeo and Juliet is cheating though.)

Of course, I’m just scratching the surface here, but being a douchey intellectual iswork. Postscript: beware of going too obscure. A girl won’t be impressed by something that she has never heard of.

 


 

看什么书能让女生觉得我的聪明很性感?
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看什么书能让女生觉得我的聪明很性感?

 

I'd like to have a Blue Hawaii.

网友评论1

  1. 沙发
    番薯啊同腰果齐欢唱:

    用上卷福帅爆镜的照片好开心O(∩_∩)O~~

    2013-08-29 下午 8:25 [回复]

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